5 Tips to Make it Easier on Them and You

 



Talking to Kids about Coronavirus

Talking to your kids about COVID-19 can be tough. The Meg Foundation is here to help.

By Jody Thomas, PHD

  

To say this is a stressful and uncertain time is a pretty massive understatement. In the middle of these uncharted waters, we are tasked with having to make sense of it all for not only ourselves, but also for our kids. It’s also a massive understatement to say that it can be overwhelming as a parent to know what we should say. We have to fight our very natural urge to want to protect them from anything scary in the world (and a global pandemic definitely falls into that category). It’s tempting to avoid the conversation all together, but the realities of the massive changes already happening in their world makes that not only a really bad idea, but also impossible. Covid-19 is changing their lives in huge ways, and they need to know you can be a trusted source of information and comfort for them.

At the Meg Foundation, our goal is to empower families with information and tools to bring comfort to kids. In this post, we share five tips (and a few please-dont’s) to help you navigate the choppy waters of conversations with your child about COVID-19 so you can feel more confident about answering their questions and calming any fears they may have.

1. Be Calm

I know it seems like a very tall order right now, but it is hard to overstate how important this one is. So take a deep breath, remember every strategy you’ve ever used to center yourself, and do your best to be calm.

Kids take their cues from us and they know how we feel even when our words might be saying something else. They always seem to know. It’s powerful to remember that while stress is contagious, so is calm.

In this video, I share more about why modeling calm can be the biggest predictor for how your kid will react at the doctor’s office, but it’s true for tough conversations, too…and actually most things in life.

2. Ask Questions


Ask Questions

Kids think about things very differently than adults. Case in point? My own 8-year-old told me during our first talk about it that “when you get coronavirus it looks like you are wearing a crown…because corona means crown in Latin. Oh, and old people die.” A good friend’s child thought coronavirus was a like Dementor from Harry Potter because he kept on hearing the phrase “Coronavirus is here.”

When kids have questions, they often have specific things in my mind, while our minds go off in a million directions. Asking questions allows you to figure out exactly what part they are REALLY concerned about, and not have to come up with an for answer everything.

You can use this technique by simply asking, “Good question, why do you ask?” or, “What do you know about coronavirus?” It makes it MUCH easier to fill in the right knowledge gaps and pinpoint their biggest questions and fears.

3. Be Honest

>
Anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.
— Mr. Fred Rogers

As a medical psychologist, it has been my job for over 20 years to have hard conversations with kids, and here is what I have learned: kids always know more than you think they do. Hiding things is almost always futile…and really can be damaging.

Mr. Rogers succinctly put another big truth: anything that is mentionable can be manageable. Not mentioning things has the opposite effect. Kids need to know they can trust you to talk about the hard stuff. Things get a lot scarier when even the grown ups can’t talk about it.

REMEMBER: It’s possible to be honest without being alarmist!

4. Assure Them They Are Safe

Kids need to hear:

  1. This doesn’t affect kids very much.

  2. They are NOT likely to get sick.

  3. Even if they do, they won’t be very sick.

  4. We will figure this out together.

  5. It will be okay.

5. Action is the Enemy of Anxiety


Powerful things kids can do

This is one of my favorite sayings for its simplicity and its profound truth. Giving kids (and ourselves) something concrete to do goes a very long way when they are feeling stressed. It’s important for them to understand that there are powerful things they can do to keep themselves and people around them healthy.

Some things they can do include:

  1. Wash their hands (a lot)

  2. Cough in their elbows

  3. Not lick stuff

  4. Be kind

  5. Help others not get sick by doing all the above

The last one is particularly useful because it always feels good and powerful to help others!


Definitely not helpful things to say

Let’s finish up with a few things NOT to say. Do your best to avoid these well-intentioned but wildly unhelpful phrases.

“Just Don’t Worry”

Kids are not dumb. They know there is something to worry about…they are trying to figure out how much to worry. Saying this tells them you won’t be honest about that, and can make them worry MORE.

“Calm down”

This has never worked in the history of mankind to get someone to actually calm down. We have to help them figure out HOW to calm themselves, and how they can feel better and safer.

You’ve Got This!

It’s important to remember that at the end of the day, you’re the true expert on your kid. Use these tips and your natural parental intuition to guide you. We are all in this together, and we are here to help!

Still have questions or comments? We would love to hear from you, and you can always reach us at info@megfoundationforpain.org or fill out the form below!

  

Dr. Jody Thomas is a pediatric health psychologist, an internationally recognized expert in pain and pediatric health, and the founder of the Meg Foundation. She’s also a mom of two known for her fierce sense of justice and inability to stay quiet.

   

Contact Us

Name